By Simon Ellis
The Italian novelist and philosopher Umberto Eco once said that “We write lists because we don’t want to die”. The following is a list of facts, falsehoods, and things that may or may not have happened when Clidivers Don, Gillian, Joli, Mus, Nick, and Simon dived The Zenobia in Larnaca, Cyprus in early April 2017. Your mission – if you choose to accept it – is to correctly identify all of the true statements. There is a prize. No correspondence will be entered into.
- The Zenobia (“The Zen”) is a large roll-on roll off ferry
- There is only one car on the Zenobia (and it’s a left-hand drive)
- The weather was perfect
- The Zenobia is about 5 minutes RIB ride from the harbour
- Nick completed his trimix training
- Gillian trashed her dry suit
- Don sorted out the Atlantic from the Pacific
- Joli smiled a lot
- The water was a mellow 20º
- Mus ate Moussaka (but didn’t get through it)
- The Keo population of Cyprus took a Clidive size hit
- Don called one of the guides a wanker
- The halloumi pitas were bigger than an arm
- The San Pedro burgers put one of us to sleep and fuelled the other’s trimix test
- Chris, Sherie and the entire Dive-In Cyprus crew were awesome
- Joli did some belly dancing
- Nick twerked
- There were church bells
- Nick and Mus found a 2000 year old pot at 50m.
- Simon completed his trimix training
- One of the Dive-In guides is ex-military
- One of the Dive-in guides used to be in the Royal Ballet
- There was a crystal maze in the upper car deck. We all found our way out.
- Trigger fish were a permanent fixture at the trapeze
- Some of the dives were dark, others were hallucinatory dark
- Nick spent €100 per dive, Mus spent €8
- Don’s super power is sleeping
- Gillian quite liked the seafood platter we had the night before last
- There weren’t enough chocolate croissants at La Croissanterie
- Simon freaked out in the dark
- Nick had to rescue an unconscious casualty while dealing with a leaky blacked out mask, flooded drysuit, and gas switching on the ascent, and then tangled his reel (it was the last bit that failed him).
- Gillian sank £1k on dive kit
- Don and Joli experienced the “chicken” signal on the seabed just back from the funnel
- Suunto computers are highly recommended by the Polish contingent at Dive-In
- The Zenobia lies at 90º from upright. This makes tracking your way around a little discombobulating.
- There are bones on the Zenobia, but no one died when it sank.
- Mus fell in love with a belly dancer
- Nick nearly bought a rebreather while drinking Jameson Irish Whiskey
- One of us became known as Captain Deco.
- Simon spat chocolate crossiant into his mask while trying to clean it.
- Someone tightened Gillian’s fin at 10m
- Nick scored 100% in his trimix text. The guides said they need to make the test harder
- No one lifted a thing all week (except for glassware)
Serious thanks to the Dive-In team, and of course to Mus for making it happen. If you get the chance, dive “The Zen” with Dive-In; you won’t regret it.
